My thoughts after having spent 1 full year with 3 children: Man, am I tired. 

It’s not like an unable to function tired, though. I’ve leveled up. I can last a whole day and do lots of stuff, even though my bones ache and my eyes burn a little when I blink. I am better at running on fumes. I know that’s not the healthiest way to survive. I have also started to drink more coffee through the day. I do want to curb that semi-addiction. I do try my best to drink more water and less soda too. I do plan on getting into a better routine of exercising alone. Famous last words. I feel pretty healthy overall so hopefully that continues. Peter is FINALLY sleeping through the night regularly so I know that’ll help with the tiredness. But now that I’ve written that I am sure I jinxed myself.

One year. One year has passed and it feels like it’s only been 6 weeks. But, then again, some days it feels like 10 years. Funny how raising kids can mess with your internal clock so bad that you think a year felt like 6 weeks but also simultaneously like 10 years and at the same time, for the life of you, you cannot remember what day it is. 

It’s Thursday now as I write this. I think. 

I don’t say I’m tired to complain. Such a classic Mom move. “I don’t mean to complain, but…” If I don’t preface it with “I don’t mean to complain” then people will come at me with, “Well, this is the life you chose.” LOL to people getting mad at Moms for complaining. People complain about jobs they love all the time. I love my job right now, but hell, I am going to vent when I want to.

I am having a damn good time. I am lucky, they are good kids. Not sure if it has anything to do with me, maybe it’s just natural. They have their horrible days just like any human. But, overall, they get along, they listen, they go with the general flow. They’re demanding but accommodating when they need to be. I do have my village surrounding me which makes even the worst days seem bearable.

It ain’t no joke being with your kids 24/7. I love the hell out of their little souls, but girlfriend needs a BREAK. I need to get better at coordinating time for myself. The only time I’m away from them is if I get my haircut or go to a doctor’s visit. I legit dressed up and put makeup onto go to my annual GYN appt last week. I was like hey, it’s my big afternoon out, I’m going to dress up. 

I love it when I get to go to the bathroom alone! I usually have Peter with me. He tries to climb into my pants when I’m sitting on the toilet. Like, okay Peter, I’m going as fast as I can, I put you down for 25 seconds. I pee in record time now. It’s impressive. Probably because I leak a little so I already get started before I actually go. 

Zach and I have improved at planning some date nights which has really helped us. It’s tough when you’re in the thick of it with 3 kids and you and your spouse start to treat each other like disgruntled coworkers. We can be SO petty with each other sometimes and then when it’s all quiet and they’re asleep and it’s just us we’re like okay, sorry I was a jerk, let’s watch a movie and make out. 

Peter stopped nursing at 11 months. CUE THE SADNESS. 

I was emotional…as I was each time I stopped nursing. But this time, the thought “this could be the last one ever” crossed my mind and it broke me for a little while. I won’t say if we plan to have more because I’m not writing that on here, but I mean I would love to, I really don’t want this part of my life to be over just yet. I don’t think you good people want me to stop writing about the early days of child rearing just yet either, right? You totally enjoy this, right? Tell me to keep going.

I don’t envision Peter as the youngest. But 3 is good right now though. It’s a little bit country and a little bit rock n roll. And Peter is young. If we do decide to continue, I’m so looking forward to being labeled a geriatric Mom!

Peter had a great 1st birthday party. It was so refreshing to host a party and the weather was nice. I enjoyed myself with a few beers because I finally wasn’t pregnant or breastfeeding at a birthday party. He got some thoughtful gifts which I realize now I still have to send thank you cards. Oops, sorry if you are a person I owe a card to. It’s coming.

Lucy is starting school in a couple days. HERE COME ALL OF THE FEELINGS AGAIN. My youngest is done nursing and is approaching 14 months old and my oldest is LEAVING ME FOR THE REAL WORLD.

I’ve gotten comments from people about how they’re shocked that I’ve kept her home this long. Like, they ask how I’ve tolerated all of them being around me this long. They’re my kids, it’s not like they’re strangers. They are mini versions of myself and Zach. I’m obsessed with them. I also love being able to live life through them. Their little lives are so fun and they see the world with such wonder. And they’re also little imbeciles in the nicest way possible which makes it all so hilarious. And I can ignore the real world for a while. Because we all know the real world is just a tad bit topsy turvy. *cough* a criminal is allowed to run for president? wtf *cough.*

I gave Peter to Zach to rock to sleep tonight and I was in with the big two. Lucy was mad that Zach wasn’t reading to her. She screamed at me and said, “You ruined everything! I am going back!” Back to where, I haven’t a clue. I even said, “Going back to where?” And she couldn’t answer me, so she stomped her feet. GOT YA THERE LUCY.

Anyway, I did what any tired Mom would do, I gave her what she wanted to shut her up. I switched spots with Zach. I sat down with Peter and I cried in his hair. I’ve been avoiding my feelings about Lucy starting school. SO MANY OF THE FEELINGS. Peter, bless his tiny heart, knew just what to do. I felt his bottle on my face. I looked down and he was smiling at me and smacking his lips. He was pointing his bottle towards me to give me a taste. It’s a new thing he’s been doing. I smiled back at him. I said to him, “Thank you, buddy. Do me a favor and stay little please!”

Wasn’t it just YESTERDAY that I was rocking Lucy to sleep? And now she’s yelling, telling me I ruin everything. Oh, how far I’ve come in almost 5 years!

I know she’s just got a lot of feelings bubbling up because she knows her life is about to change forever. Because I keep reminding her it is. And it’s not even a full day of school that she’s doing. She’s going 3 days a week 8-12. When she goes full day, I’m gonna go full crazy. She honestly could probably handle a full day. But I can’t. So she’s not going HAH. She does better with slow transitions so I think as ready as she is, half day will be perfect for her.

But it’s a huge change in all of our routines and life as we’ve known it for the last 4.5 years is over. It sounds dramatic, I know. But it is true! It’s happy and exciting obviously, but shit it makes me cry.

She’s so darn smart and adorable and I worry about her so much extra because of the stroke she had when she was born. But, I watch her and she’s just a miracle. They all are of course. They really are. A bunch of little miracles running around screaming at me and taking their clothes off and screaming “WE’RE NAKED! I GOTTA TELL DADDY WE’RE NAKED.” “Nooo, daddy’s on a conference call!!” 

Zach still works from home most days a week. I cannot imagine what his coworkers think of us. Thank God for big Zach. Somebody in this family has got to work so the rest of us have free time to run around screaming we’re naked. I DO NOT do that for the record, at least not until the kids are in bed.

Speaking of work, I’m pretty proud I’ll bring in a little money now with my self-published book. I’m just assuming it’ll keep selling forever even though in like two weeks it’ll be dead in the water. That’s book biz, baby. I did that on a whim, so we’ll see how it pans out. I would really love to make my blog into a series of books. My Mom suggested I do that. Hi, Mom. Thanks, you’re right as always. Amazon publishing is crazy easy so maybe I’ll just publish a crap ton of books and see what happens. Also, still working on the board meeting book. For those board meeting fans, keep an eye out. For those of you who have no idea what I mean, keep an eye out.

Anyway, we’ve made it a year with 3 kids. We are all still healthy, we all still love each other and nobody has threatened to leave so I think we can say, we’re doing A-okay!