One major thing I have learned since having kids: just when you think you’re on a roll and have a good routine going, they change.

About two months ago, I was feeling like we were in a good place. Peter was sleeping better at night, the big two were happy a lot. Tantrums seemed to be in a lull. Nobody had caught a cold or anything in a while. We were moving and grooving.

One Saturday, I planned a night out for us. We asked Zach’s sister and brother-in-law to watch the kids. We left the house about 3 o’clock and had planned on getting back by bath time.

FYI, day into evening dates are the best. You have more energy for the actual date and when you get home, you put the kids to bed and you have the rest of the evening to hang out.

So anyway, we had a great date. We got home and Zach left to drive his sister home. 

I said, “I’ll get the kids bathed while you are gone.” No big deal. I’ve bathed the three of them by myself quite a few times at that point.

While the big two watched cartoons, I brought Peter upstairs to prepare the tub. I told them what I was doing. They mumbled, “No bath. No.” Typical.

I undressed Peter and started the water. I left him laying on the bathroom floor on his back. He can roll from his back to his belly but he never does it. He demands to be picked up. He’s a little lazy in that respect. I left him on the floor and stepped outside the door, my eyes still on him. 

“Lucy and Zachary, bath time!”

Usually, when I yell down to them at bath time, they either come or they yell back a response. I waited a minute and heard nothing. 

I checked that Peter was okay on the floor and ran down the steps. I assumed they were hiding from me.

“Come on, guys.” 

I got to the living room and did a quick scan. The silence was deafening. 

They were gone.

My heart raced.

Panic mode activated. 

“OMG someone came in and took my babies.”

I rationalized for a second and noticed the patio door was unlocked. I had definitely locked it before. I always lock all the doors when we’re inside. 

My brother lives across the street. Could they have gone to John’s house?!

I ran upstairs to check that Peter was okay. And then I ran back down to my garage. Our garage is located off the laundry room which is off the kitchen. Only about 20 feet from the front steps. I opened my garage door to look across the street at John’s house.

I could see his kids as they shouted, “They are over here!”

I ran. It was my first instinct. I sprinted as hard as I could across the street bare foot. I ran into their kitchen. Lucy and Zachary sat at the kitchen counter like they were at a diner at 3 in the afternoon.

“OMG! What are you guys doing here!?” 

“Hi, Mommy,” they said. They looked so proud of themselves. 

My brother, his wife, and their 4 kids were laughing. They thought it was a prank! I explained as fast as I could that it was not a prank. I was home alone. I put Peter on the bathroom floor and came back down in 30 seconds and they were gone.

“I have to get back, Peter is on the floor. I left Peter on the bathroom floor!”

My brother and nephews grabbed the big two and we all ran back over to Peter.

Not only did my two older children leave the house and cross the street in the dark and rain (I say older but let’s be real, at 4 and 3 years old, they are still babies!!!), but I also left my 9 MONTH OLD BABY on the bathroom floor on his back and I left my house! What in the hell was I thinking?? Why did I not grab him and then run over? And to think I was saying to Zach just a few days before how I thought I was handling our little family pretty well!

I felt horrible. On one hand, I know what Peter is capable of and I know what he will do so I assumed he wouldn’t roll over and head for the stairs. But, babies his age can change by the day. I should have put him in his crib or wrapped him in a towel and brought him.

I knew the distance I had to run to grab them and come back. And reviewing the timeline of everything with my brother and his family, it couldn’t have been more than 4 minutes, from realizing they were gone to running to the garage, retrieving them, and getting back home. A lot of things happened in a very short period of time. I also probably could have called my brother instead of running there! Hindsight is 20/20 I guess.

Regardless, I am still beating myself up over the whole fiasco. And I anticipate I will do so for a while. Mom guilt in overdrive! I was hesitant to even write about this, but here we are. As Moms, all we can do is our best. I did my best in a chaotic moment. Everyone ended up being safe. That’s the most important thing.

I would NEVER have thought Lucy and Zachary would do anything like this. But, like I said, just when you think you know your kids, they change! It’s obvious it was Lucy’s idea. Being the older one and being at a stage in development where she’s becoming more aware of herself and what she can do, she is testing the waters and testing me constantly. This was one hell of a test. When I asked Zachary about it, he said he was very scared. Poor guy. Just tagging along with his big sister! 

I asked Lucy why she did it and she said she wanted to go to John’s house. I don’t think she would do something like that if she didn’t have relatives who she is comfortable with across the street. But, what the hell do I know! I can’t assume anything anymore. 

I tried to imagine the series of events. They must have left out the patio door very soon after I went upstairs with Peter. Lucy unlocked it and closed the door behind them. Our patio lets out to our backyard. We have a set of swings. Since the weather has been nicer, we are out there a lot. She is able to open and close the door and I have asked her to do so when I carry Peter and Zachary out.  The downfalls of teaching your children to be self reliant is they will use these skills to do things they shouldn’t. Cannot imagine what the teenage years will be like!

In order to get to my brother’s house, they had to walk across the front lawn, which is not well lit. Our landscaping lights are terrible. So they crossed the lawn, got to the sidewalk, walked across the street, went up John’s pathway and knocked on the front door. This was at 8:30pm, very dark out, very rainy.

When Zach returned home from dropping his sister off, he couldn’t believe what I told him. Lucy told her Dad, “But Daddy, I held Zachy’s hand when we crossed the street.” As if that makes it all okay, haha!

Knowing how Lucy can be with being shy, I am still in shock she had the audacity to do something like that. The courage and self-confidence is actually impressive considering how meek she’s been. At least one of us has confidence, God knows mine has been knocked down a few pegs after this.

The next morning I ordered a child lock for the patio door. It’s up high so there is no way they can access it. She has noticed it a few times since. She glares at it. She seems to understand the gravity of what she did and she has been better at listening to me. But I know she has thoughts of another escape. I know this is just one instance of many acts of defiance to come.