When the Waves Crashed Down on Me
When the waves crashed down on me, my breath escaped me.
Desperate, I gasped and reached for the surface.
For much of my life, I had coasted through unscathed.
I worked hard. I enjoyed my time.
I fell in love. I got married.
Our love overflowed and created endless possibilities.
First pregnancy. Tears of joy.
Ready to embrace all of the changes.
Cue the waves of words I never imagined I’d hear.
Not viable. Empty womb. Blighted ovum. D&C.
The waves crashed over me and held me there.
I struggled to swim as the clouds grew darker.
I reached for my husband’s hand.
He had changed too. Alone. Afraid. Confused.
Together, we sunk.
We leaned in and let the waves bind us closer.
Strength returned. Love inspired. There was light.
Positive test. Familiar feelings.
As hope pulled us from the deep, blood appeared.
Cue the waves. Darkness returned.
Chemical pregnancy. Clots.
Pain. Defeat. Confusion.
Thrown deeper into the waves.
Pushed further away from hope.
Lost in a sea of despair.
My mind thundered. My heart rained.
Months of crying. Months of talk.
Months of reflection.
Positive test. Fear. So much fear.
Blood tests. Progesterone.
Hope. Hope. Hope.
Calm waves. Clear skies.