I had grown to hate the number 29. To me, 29 reminded me of my crappy year. From the day I turned 29 things started to suck. I found out my blood pressure was kind of high so now I take blood pressure medicine. Then the whole pregnancy adventure began. It was a transformative year for my body and mind. Why were the events all taking place at the same time?! I yearned to be 28 again. 28 was a good year.
When I was in the thick of my personal struggles, I associated the number 29 with anything that went wrong. It’s interesting how we can associate inanimate things with sad events. It could be a song, a movie, a picture, or in my case a number. When grieving, you give these triggers the power to transplant you back to the moment in time when you struggled. I associated the number 29 with my personal, physical failure. In the lowest of my lows, there was nothing that could change my mind. I hated 29.
Today I am 29 weeks pregnant. Today, I decided, I like the number 29 again.
I’ve made it through 29 of 40 weeks of pregnancy. 11 weeks or so until I deliver a baby into this world. A little living creature is going to come out of my body. It’s a miracle, kind of a freaky miracle, but a miracle nonetheless. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that fact, but that’s a blog post for a later time. In about 11 more weeks, I get to hold the little one who has begun to kick and squirm every day reminding me that he or she is there and getting ready to make their debut in just a few short months. 29 weeks. As I reflect on the past 29 weeks, I’m not even sure how I got to this point so fast. The year leading up to this felt like it lasted an eternity, but these 29 weeks have flown by in a flash.
As we travel through life, different triggers will bring us back to our defining moments. I don’t think this can be controlled. We can’t stop ourselves from thinking of these defining moments, whether good or bad. It’s human nature to occasionally dwell in the past and reflect on the why and how. The key to it is how we process and act on the feelings these triggers evoke. It goes hand in hand with how we handle the event itself. It’s yet another step in the process of comprehending the changes that happen in life.