Tilt-A-Whirl Brain

Tis’ the season to be thankful. Thanksgiving was last week. This Thanksgiving was different again for the Sprandio fam. It was significantly smaller. We downsized this year due to the impending nuptials occurring this Friday.

It was a nice quiet dinner with some of my immediate family. I often use the holiday season as a time to reflect, reflect on the many blessings and even on reflect on the not so good things. I’ve been thinking lately how it’s a shame that I only do this during this time of year. Not that I am ungrateful the rest of the year, but I feel as though people, including myself, use the holidays and the New Year as an excuse.

It’s often said the holiday season is a time to be together with family, treat each other nicer, give to others. So what about the rest of the year? People usually use New Years as a time to make up New Years resolutions.

We don’t have to do these things strictly around the holidays. I want to make a more conscience effort to reflect any time of year. I want to make a more conscience effort to realize I can change and make a “resolution” whether it’s January 1st or July 8th. My point is I guess that we can make a change or be more grateful at any point.

These efforts to be good and do good are particularly important now considering what’s going on in the world. The world has become a scary place. Maybe it always was, but I am only noticing more as I grow older and less naïve with each year of my life.

This year has been one of the best years of my life. I am forever grateful for my future husband, my family and friends, my new family that I am joining. All these new, exciting events have humbled me immensely. I know I claim to be a writer but I am quite speechless when it comes to how all of this is making me feel. I think that’s why I haven’t written in a while. I don’t know how to express the immense excitement/anxiety that has been brewing inside of me.

I don’t really know how to convey how it has humbled me. I am writing a blog post for MY website all about MY life. If anything, this whole rant is completely narcissistic. If you look at it that way, at least I know how to be honest with myself.

But I am humbled. And I have learned how I could step it up when it comes to being there for people. I can put more effort into celebrating others. I could put more effort into being thoughtful. So many people have gone out of their way for me. Family especially so, friends, even coworkers. It’s been overwhelming the love surging around. This combination of the holidays and getting married, way too many feelings going on here.

I told myself when I sat down to write this blog it would strictly be about being thankful and how we need to concentrate on the good things in life and here I am talking about my wedding again. I apologize for my repetition. This is an off the cuff post. My mind is like a tilt-a-whirl.

I guess all I am saying is I am very thankful to be in the situation I am. And I need to be better at focusing on that. I’m trying to find a way to do that. It’s been a journey trying to look outside of myself more and really appreciate the current situation I am in.

I read an article recently, I can’t for the life of me remember where or who wrote it, but the author was writing about how a lot of people don’t live in the moment. They are always thinking about the next thing that will “complete their life” or the next thing that will “make their real life finally begin.” “Everything will be great if I find the one person for me.” Then once you find that person, “Everything will be great when we’re married.” Then you have kids, “Everything will be great when the kids are a little older and we can do more stuff” etc, etc. We are constantly reaching for the next thing, while what we have in front of us is ticking by.

I want to concentrate on being in the now, particularly this weekend. A good example is earlier tonight I had to drop some things off at my apartment, then drop things off at one of the hotels my guests are staying at, and finally drop things off at the reception venue. My parents pulled the car up to my apartment, I jumped out grabbed all the things and started running them up the steps. Zach came out, all excited to see me and I hustled in not even looking at him. He helped me carry things in and I blew past him. All because I was “stressed” because I had to drop some things off. So stupid. We can’t allow ourselves to get caught up. I’m getting married! How can I let a little stress of getting a few things done cloud my excitement of marrying the greatest guy I know.

That is the kind of thing I am talking about, the kind of thing I want to be better at. And I will try to do better every day. Not just now because it’s the holidays. Not just now because I’ll be a newlywed. I will try every day no matter what’s happening. No matter the time of year.

This is probably my last post writing with the name Kate Sprandio, by the way. Saying goodbye to that name will be tough, but that’s a whole other blog.

Until next time……

3 responses to “Tilt-A-Whirl Brain”

  1. Thinking of you and Zach. Have a wonderful wedding weekend and enjoy! Xoxo
    P.S. If you get nervous and need to laugh, just think of Shelby 😉

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