I can see clearly now

Hello my follower(s). I have returned. So sorry for my absence, life became a little bit of a whirlwind. I am here now to share about that whirlwind, obviously.

I try to live my life with an open mind and an open heart. I try not to get too wrapped up in the day to day silly complaints. Nobody can ever be completely open minded, that’s probably impossible. We all get overwhelmed and complain from time to time about the troubles we run into in our daily routines and the people we don’t or can’t agree with. We complain about commutes and getting up early, traffic and long hours at the office. It’s human nature to talk about these things and vent to each other. We do it because we all understand. Humans relate to each other through mutual experiences. We all experience hardships, embarrassing moments, happiness, distress, etc.

I started working in  a doctor’s office about two months ago. I went from living the freelance writing life…waking up around 10 am every day going to different jobs whenever I got an email….to waking up at 6am and working from 8-4. It was a change for me…someone who has never experienced full time office life. After a couple weeks, my complaints began to seep out. “I’m tired.” “I hate traffic.” “I don’t know what to wear, ugh!”

The first two weeks, I went in everyday and I ignored what was going on around me. I was consumed in my own silly world. One day, I can’t remember what day exactly, but one day it hit me during one of my long drives. It hit me that getting up early, driving through traffic, not knowing what to wear…all of that crap was so menial. I realized I’m working in an environment where people are fighting for their lives. People are coming in here to be treated for a disease, and I was worrying that a coworker would notice that I wore the same suit pants 4 days in a row or that I got up to pee a ridiculous amount of times during the day. It’s fascinating the little things that we all worry about. I worry about such unnecessary things.  I think that we often create these worries in our minds to avoid looking at what’s right in front of us, to avoid the truth. We do it to guard ourselves. I think I was blocking myself from seeing the sadness that was occurring in front of me.

After I allowed myself to see clearly, I realized it’s not all sadness. Yes, disease is a terrifying, horrible thing to experience and it’s not fair that people have to experience it. If I had the power, I would take away all the sadness and hardships in people’s lives. I’m from a big family, so I’ve seen my fair share of sad things happen. But the feeling that overpowered the sadness, I felt and saw was love and hope. Almost everyone I’ve met is smiling. They have hope in their eyes. They come in with people who love them. They put their full trust in another human being to make them well again. It’s amazing.

I feel like I’m making a difference. I know I’m simply checking them in for their appointment, or scanning their papers into a machine, but in some small way, I am taking part in serving those in need. Even giving them a smile or asking them how they are feeling can help them.

I know it sounds ridiculous that I have had such an eye opening experience after only working in this environment for two months, but I really have changed. I’ve learned a lot, not only about myself, but about how to be a better person. I’ve learned how to look outside of myself and see the bigger picture. That is an invaluable lesson, one I will take with me wherever I go.


2 responses to “I can see clearly now”

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