God must be a man
Okay, so this is one of those posts that I didn’t plan. The first three, I spent time thinking about and made drafts before they were perfect. This is unscripted, off the top of my head. Literally, the thought that just came to me.
Women who are reading, I’m about to give up a big secret to the world about us. It’s a secret that we don’t like to divulge because we are an insecure kind and many of us don’t want to show weakness, but I’m going to reveal it:
WOMEN ARE CRAZY.
We are insane, literally. And we are insane because of the way God made us or whatever higher power is up there creating everything. It’s not fair. Yes, I am hinting at the “terrible awful” that strikes us each month. If you are a guy reading right now, my boyfriend possibly, don’t stop, I won’t get graphic.
I’ll start with my fascination with people. I have this fascination with people….okay, that looks really weird written out. I am fascinated with how we think. Sometimes part of me thinks I should have been a psychologist or something. I am fascinated by the way people interact with one another, how they handle situations, how they control their moods. How they fear the simplest things, like being embarrassed from an awkward situation. I love awkward situations by the way. They build character.
I am one of my own fascinations. I am completely ridiculous. I admit it. I’m nuts. And God knows my boyfriend and family know it best. My friends might not because I usually control my moods around them. I used to try and control my moods around my boyfriend, but he unfortunately knows me very well by now. Guess that means I really like him. What a trooper he is. I have heard we can be meanest to the ones we love the most.
But anyway, back to the unfairness of nature. This “terrible awful” simply makes me a sad person. I am the happiest of people ordinarily and am always up for anything, but damn when this sneaks up forget it. I want to cry, hit people, crawl into a hole, eat everything I see, all the cliche things they say. I turn simple situations into the most complex. I assume everyone and everything is turning against me and I have no hope in all the world. I shattered my iPhone screen over the weekend and I legitimately sat down and cried. Over a cracked iPhone! I have no reason at all to be sad about anything in the world BUT I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS AND THEY NEED TO BE HEARD.
No, but really, it’s absurd.
My moods are swinging so much sometimes I feel like that ride at the boardwalk, ya know the swings ride? Up, down, around and around. Except my swings are zero fun. I actually never liked that ride. I ACTUALLY HATE THE WHOLE WORLD. I mean….
What is the deal? How is this right? God must be a man, because a woman would not do this to her own kind. I was a biology major for a year, I get that we need all that stuff to happen inside of us so we can make miracles that we call babies. I get that we are the only hope for the planet’s population to increase, NO PRESSURE. But really why the swings in our moods? Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.
Woe is us, I suppose. I’m gonna go yell at someone, have a good cry, and then eat a Hershey bar.
Until I write again, farewell planet earth.