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29

I had grown to hate the number 29. To me, 29 reminded me of my crappy year. From the day I turned 29 things started to suck. I found out my blood pressure was kind of high so now I take blood pressure medicine. Then the whole pregnancy adventure began. It was a transformative year […]

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Gifts

It’s strange to me sometimes that when people die it is said we “lost them.” I think of the word lost in the context of misplacing items. People who pass on aren’t misplaced. We aren’t going on a search to find them. They left us for another world. Maybe it is said that way because […]

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Trust the Process

The end of this month would have been the due date of my second pregnancy. I’m unsure of what the exact date was, but I know it was the end of April. I said to Zach the other day, “It’s crazy all of the stuff that has happened to us and here we are right […]

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Kate vs Zach: A Brief Sports History

In May of 2012, the Philadelphia 76ers played the Boston Celtics in the playoffs. The Sixers took them to Game 7, but unfortunately Boston was victorious. Zach and I had only been dating for about six months at that point. Our teams had not played each other in a serious game before that. During the […]

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An Unexpected Year

January 19th marked one year. One year since that wretched day when Zach and I entered the doctor’s office thinking we were going to see a picture of our baby and we left defeated with the knowledge that my body had betrayed us. The image of an empty womb still haunts me. Zach and I […]

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Staying Present

I’ve always loved Christmas. Growing up, I spent a lot of time on my Christmas list. I can remember paging through toy catalogues at the breakfast room table documenting what I wanted. I would also put together a list of what I wanted to buy for my family. My grade school often had a Santa’s […]

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Rut

One of my favorite bands is The Killers. Their new album Wonderful Wonderful was released a few days before my birthday this year. I preordered the album, got the fan club t-shirt, and the early access code, the whole shebang. It’s been 13 years since I started listening to the Killers. They have been 13 […]

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Can’t Stop The Feeling

Six years go on this day I met my husband, Zachary Ells. You know, that guy I occasionally gush about in my blog posts and post pictures of on social media without him knowing. We met at a Sam Adams beer tasting event at a bar and grill called Magerk’s.* I can honestly say, since […]

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Who is she

  She looks at photos of herself from years past. Who is that girl, she questions. That girl knows joy. That girl knows excitement. She is unaware of struggles. She turns to look in the mirror. Who is she now, she questions. She is a new version of the girl in the photos. She has […]

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Wave of light 

Tonight my husband Zach and I lit this candle in honor of pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. To my two pregnancies I lost, we will always love you. To all those who have experienced any kind of loss, stay strong and be brave. You are not alone.  To the loved ones of those who […]

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