My take on the night before Christmas:

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Every creature was stirring
Including the mouse.

Stockings were strewn about
the floor with no care,
And everyone stepped over them,
as if they were not there.

The children were not
anywhere near their beds.
They were running through the halls crying,
and a few were standing on their heads.

I do not own a kerchief, 
and husband’s head is too big for a cap.
Both of us wondered,
who had the time for a long winter’s nap?

When down the hall
arose such a clatter.
We crawled out of our room
to see what was the matter.

Away to the stairs,
I flew like a flash,
to catch number 2
from going down with a crash. 

Number 1 sat in the corner with tears in her eyes.
“I can’t find my Barbie with the purple shoes, pink skirt, and shirt white like snow.”
Why was she even thinking of that at 2am?
We shall never know.

When what to my wondering eye 
should appear,
But number three
with a role of toilet paper and a toy reindeer. 

With his pants at his ankles,
so lively and quick,
I knew in an instant 
his tummy was sick.

More rapid than eagles, 
swifter than coursers I came.
I whistled and shouted 
and called him by name.

“Now, Peter, your bottom 
must sit on the loo!
Do not leave in this hallway 
a pile of poo!”

“To the children’s bathroom,
in the middle of the hall!
Dash away, dash away, 
dash away all!”

As dry leaves 
before the hurricane fly,
I grabbed him in my arms 
before he could cry.

So off to the bathroom 
Peter and I flew,
while husband wrangled 
number 1 and number 2. 

And then, in a hushed croak,
I heard from a room,
the sweet little voice 
of impending doom.

As I lifted my head 
and turned around, 
the baby’s cry boomed 
and came with a bound.

Number 4 often sleeps through, 
why of all night’s did she wake?!
Probably because outside her door 
sounded a violent earthquake.

“You sit here now, don’t move,” I said,
“I will be back!
Santa won’t leave you presents,
if you try to wipe your own crack.”

As the baby cried, 
my bosom did swell.
If all else fails,
at least the baby will be fed well!

Her eyes how they twinkled, 
her dimples how merry.
Her cheeks were like roses.
Her nose like a cherry. 

Her sweet little mouth
bellowed cries loud like a hawk.
How could something so sweet,
give out such a squawk?! 

I sat with her quick, 
and let her feed the late night buffet,
While outside the door,
I heard shouts of, “Get over here, hey!”

“Sorry, I would help,” 
I said as I laughed with my belly.
“But only I can feed the baby, 
she can’t yet eat jelly!”

My droll little mouth
was drawn up like a bow.
I shut my eyes and relaxed 
and let the milk flow.

Until shouts of “Mommy, Mommy,” 
echoed through the hall.
I forgot number 3, 
he was in the bathroom stall.

I burped the baby quick 
and put her back in her in bed,
while visions of milk 
danced in her head.

I took off down the hall, 
slipping by husband and the other 2.
Number 3 sat with his feet dangling
off the white loo.

“I didn’t get it in my pants!” 
He smiled like Santa’s elf.
I laughed when he said it 
in spite of myself. 

I cleaned him up 
and kissed his little head.
With that out of the way, 
I had nothing to dread.

We stepped out into a quiet hall, 
the others were asleep.
I placed Peter in his bed 
and told him not to make a peep.

As I tiptoed down the hallway, 
I heard another clatter.
With a heavy sigh, I went down the stairs 
to see what was the matter.

Was it Santa himself 
finally making the stop?
Was I going to see Santa? 
The thought made me hop!

I entered the living room 
and there he was standing tall, 
Dressed in a red suit 
with a jolly face and all. 

He was straight out of the book 
that I read every Christmas Eve,
I rubbed my eyes twice 
because I could not believe.

My eyes were seeing Santa, 
the right jolly old elf,
I walked forward slowly 
careful not to trip myself.

“Ya got room in that sleigh? 
I could use a change.
I’m quiet, and small, 
and only the slightest bit strange.”

I couldn’t believe what I said, 
did that really come from me?
Did I want to take off with Santa 
and leave my family?

He spoke not a word, 
but went straight to his work.
He filled all the stockings 
and then shouted like a jerk.

“You are THEIR problem, not MINE!
Stop being so tough. 
The kids should be occupied for at least a week
with this new stuff.”

“Snap of it now,
Don’t be an old grinch!”
Then he stepped over to me
And gave me a sharp pinch.

“OUCH!” I shouted,
as my eyes closed right shut.
“Santa, that’s rude,”
So I punched him in the gut. 

He swung his bag of toys
towards my face through the air,
I ducked and I darted,
and then I stopped to stare.

There stood numbers  1, 2, & 3,
their eyes aglow with wonder.
My husband stood behind with the baby,
“Oh it’s you, we thought we heard thunder.”

“I’m sorry to all,
I got in a row.
You see, Santa here
Caused me to crow!”

I motioned towards Santa,
over by the fireplace.
Nothing could have surprised me more
from the floor I lifted my face.

The presents were there,
but Santa was not!
The fire was blazing.
It was cozy and  hot.

“Why, he was just here,
Don’t think me crazy just yet!
I had a fight with Santa 
He’s on the roof still I bet!”

I took them all with me.
I took them right out. 
I told them to look up,
look up and shout!

“Look, see, there he is!”
“It’s Santa,” they shouted.
And all his tiny reindeer, 
1 through 8 they counted. 

“Hooray, for Santa!” 
They cheered and they cheered.
I squinted my eyes, 
I scrunched and I sneered.

“Hooray for Santa?!
He gave me a pinch.
Why, Santa is rude, 
He is really the grinch!”

“Mommy, you’re silly!
How could Santa be mean?
He brings presents to all.
He would never make a scene!”

Of course Mom is wrong,
I always seem to be!
If only they’d believe me,
If only they could see!

“Hey, you!”
We heard him from above in the sky.
We lifted our heads. 
We lifted them way up high. 

It was Santa!
He shouted right at us it seemed.
We could see his rosy cheeks
And his smile that beamed.

“Merry Christmas to all 
and to all a good night!
Except for Kate Ells, 
Yes, it’s you who started the fight!”