My last post, you can find it HERE if you missed it, touched on how I have felt lonely as of late. It ended with me realizing I should never feel lonely because I have a steady partner by my side. I began reflecting back on how I met Zach, said life long partner. I went back through old blogs and I noticed I never wrote about in detail how we first met. I may have dropped hints about things, but I never wrote a full story. So, here it is:

12 years ago my life changed. It was the day I met Zach.

OMG, BARF. SO cliché. I hate being cliché. But, as lame as it is, it’s true. 

I may have mentioned before somewhere in this mess of thoughts that I call my blog, that when I was growing up, I often told my Mom I never wanted to get married or have children.

My Mom has said to me now, why did you always say you didn’t want to get married?? Growing up with 4 brothers, love and marriage wasn’t a common topic, so why would I want to do any of that?? My brothers didn’t talk about it, so I wasn’t going to.

The older I got, the more love became a topic of conversation in my life. When I was a teenager, I started to pay more attention to my parents’ relationship. My childhood was great. I’m lucky enough to be able to say that. And my parents were happy. Sure, they argued and I’d catch wind of some of it on occasion but that’s real life. People argue. I appreciated how real they were with each other and with us. And, to be fair, if there was a disagreement my Mom was definitely right every time. I really see that now that I am a wife and mother and I am indeed right every time.

But aside from the normal bickering, they seemed so happy. The way they laughed together, the way they would sneak a hand hold when watching TV or walking with us wherever we were. They were and still are such a cohesive team. My Dad worked his butt off at work and my Mom worked her butt off at home and they both worked at doing whatever needed to be done for us. It looked easy, but now that I am in the thick of it, I know it’s not.

My parents had so much fun with us when we were growing up. The more aware I became of their relationship, the more I realized that love, marriage, and children were something I definitely wanted out of life. 

I didn’t date at all in high school. I went to an all girls school (MSJA represent!), so boys weren’t around during the school day. But I participated in extracurriculars where I would meet boys. I was pretty chill around boys from growing up with so many of them, so I think I gave off friend vibes. I remember the first time I gave a guy my number at a school dance. I think it was sophomore year. We danced to a few songs and he never called me. Classic!

I took old friends from grade school as my dates for formal dances, but I just never found anyone who was worth the time of dating or who even liked me enough to date me.

Even so, I was in love with the idea of love and I wanted to find someone some day.

When I got to college, I dated a few people, but nothing ever stuck. I burned a few people and I myself got burned in return. It was a typical young adult dating life to say the least. I wasn’t always nice I’ll admit, and a few were not so nice to me. I developed a hard skin and a cynical view of what was in store for me. I knew I wanted to find someone, but I was realistic that maybe it wouldn’t work out. I may have to try hard. You can’t assume everything in life is going to go the way you planned. I decided if I had low expectations, I couldn’t get disappointed.

When I graduated college, I rekindled an old flame from a distance. We had dated during school and then went our separate ways for a while, but had kept in touch. We had a short fling and he left school, whereas I stayed to finish. When I graduated and I didn’t have a sea of boys living in my hallway anymore, we reconnected. We talked a lot online. He was traveling abroad for work and I was, surprise surprise, living in Philly. I saw him in person maybe once or twice over the year. We talked a lot about the future and I was convinced that he was it. This was the person I was meant to be with. Why else would we start up again if it wasn’t meant to be? “Start up again,” I was delusional in retrospect and maybe a little desperate to make anything work.

I remember it was the fall of 2011. I had been communicating from a distance for about a year with this guy. Video chatting, texting, and hand written letters. Being a writer, I thought it was romantic to get letters. That was about the extent of the “romance” with this relationship. As I became busier and more involved in freelance work and school, things started getting rocky between us and we hadn’t spoken much. One afternoon, I received a letter from him.

The letter was letting me go. He told me that it was time I let him go too. He told me he knew in his heart that I’d find somebody who would love me and take care of me the way I deserved. OMG, the more I write, the more I realize this sounds like a Lifetime movie. 

Didn’t expect this drama, did you? Yup. It happened. I was crushed, sort of. I hadn’t ever been dumped before. It was really the first time I had ever let myself “fall” for someone.” I always kept a foot on the ground when dating. In retrospect, I knew it wasn’t realistic and we were moving in COMPLETELY different directions in life. Actually, he was doing the moving. I was living where I grew up and I had no intentions of ever moving. 

After being dumped for good and denying the fact that I got dumped from, let’s be real, an internet relationship, I had decided that I wasn’t going to care anymore. I was going to stop trying so hard. I have to start living in reality again and we’ll see what happens.

Just a few weeks after I received “the letter,” a high school friend invited me to a Sam Adams beer event at Magerk’s Bar and Grill. I had been to Magerk’s numerous times with friends, so I was very familiar with it. It was a Wednesday night. I was living with my brother Mike. I was doing freelance work and had began my creative writing program at Arcadia University.

I told my friend I’d go to support and picked up another friend on the way. I went with no intentions at all, but I still made myself look cute. My Mom always said to me, “Make yourself look cute when you go out. You never know who you are going to meet!” There’s that lesson again that we’ve learned before, Moms are always right. 

I arrived at Margerk’s. We had a couple tables where my friends were. I sat on one side with two girls to my right. 3 other friends sat across from me. Next to our table was a few people that I didn’t know.

As I sat talking and laughing, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the most handsome face I’d ever seen. Zach walked in and the atmosphere changed. I know, it sounds completely lame, believe me. But I lost my breath. I kept talking of course, but in my head I thought, “who, is that guy?! I have to know him.”

And I did, I had to know him. I felt something that I thought I had felt before, but I realized I didn’t. This, this is what it was supposed to feel like. I was legit taken by him. So, naturally, I ignored him. I didn’t want to be my regular forward self the way I was with other guys I dated in school. I wanted to see if he would come to me.

Zach came with his roommate and his roommate’s girlfriend. The couple stopped to talk to another friend at the table next to us, so Zach walked over to my table.

“Hi, I’m Zach.” 

Zach, that was different. I only knew two Zachs in my life at that point. My aunt had a dog named Zach when I was growing up and there was a Zach in my creative writing program that I had met a few weeks before. 

When he walked away to get a drink, a few of my friends whispered, “Wow, who is he? He’s cute.” I smiled and nodded. “Yup, he is.”

He was cute indeed.

Tall, in shape, adorable smile. Cute curly hair. Sweet voice and a kind way about him. From the looks standpoint, jackpot. I later learned he had the kind, warm personality to go with the handsome face.

He came back with a drink for all of us. I thought that was so generous, only to realize later we all got our beers for free because of my friend who worked for Sam Adams. But, still sweet of him to carry them to us. 

When he arrived at the table, he sat next to me to my left.

Oh, God. I did not expect him to sit next to me. But I couldn’t act all gushy. Just because he sat next to me didn’t mean he was interested. I mean, there weren’t any other chairs available, so makes sense he sat next to me. Although, we were shoulder to shoulder. Like he couldn’t have gotten closer to me unless he was sitting in my lap, which at that point I wanted him to, which of course I would not bring up for fear of scaring him away.

I didn’t know what to do except to keep ignoring him. Not like straight up not looking at him, I wasn’t being rude. But I was pretending to be slightly unaware. Ladies, you know what I mean. Even though in my head I was saying, “Omg the hot guy is next to me. The hot guy is next to me. ME.”

I kept the conversations going with my friends and I’d turn to him to chat to keep him included. I didn’t make it ALL about him, which lets be real, I wanted to run out of there with him the second he said, “Hi, I’m Zach.” Check please, let’s go.

I don’t remember much of what was said, but I can recall I was telling a lot of stories about my family (my classic way to make people laugh), particularly my brother Shane. My girlfriends all knew and loved Shane. I was doing my “Shane impersonation” and Zach laughed a lot. 

I have often told Shane, I credit him for Zach falling for me. My Shane impersonation really got his attention and had him laughing. I love making people laugh and seeing Zach smile. I knew I wanted to make him laugh forever.

The evening continued, I sat on the edge of my seat. Legit, I was on the edge of the chair. I couldn’t settle myself. I made sure to sit up straight. Posture is important. From my perspective, Zach couldn’t take his eyes off of me. But, maybe it was because everyone was seated to his right so he had to turn to look and I was in his way. Whatever the reason, his eyes were on me.

In hindsight, it was awkward positioning. He was right next to me on my left and my friends were to my right and across from me, so I had to turn to talk to them and turn back to talk to him. 

At one point in the conversation, Zach asked what I was doing that weekend. My weekend plans were to go to New York City to see a show with my parents and my friend Ashlinn. While we were there, Ashlinn and I were going to attend the Quidditch World Cup. 

Our school, Chestnut Hill College, had participated in Quidditch when we were there. Ashlinn and I both belonged to the activities club that started it. I filmed a lot of the games and made a few videos for the school. 

After telling Zach that I was going to NYC to see a show, I mustered up the courage and followed it up with the plan to see the Quidditch World Cup. I continued to tell him I had made quidditch videos for the school that were on YouTube.

I later learned that he watched some of the Quidditch videos with his coworkers.

I can remember the awkward smile on his face.

“Um, that’s real?”

I of course began to geek out and tell him about how kids played it at Chestnut Hill and it was hilarious etc. He’s a fan of Harry Potter so he understood everything. But I could still tell he was a little unsure. I can remember feeling like I shouldn’t have mentioned Quidditch.

When it came time to leave, we all stood up from the table. I turned to my left to get my jacket. Zach pulled out his phone. 

“Hey, can I get your number? Maybe we could go out sometime.”

His face was bright red.

I guess the Quidditch talk didn’t scare him after all.

I swallowed my excitement and said cooly, “Yeah sure. That sounds good.” 

I could hear my friends as they giggled behind me. 

I hung back a little to let him walk out with his roommate first. I walked out with my friend who drove with me.

“Omg,” she said. “He was so cute. You HAVE to date him.”

I agreed that he was super cute, but I tried to keep myself sensible. We’ll see how it goes. We’ll see if he calls.

I dropped my friend off and drove home. I thought about him on the short drive. He was really something. The prospect of something new, something real, was exciting. When I walked in the house, I put my bag down and took out my phone. 

Missed call.

OMG he called me already? Not much time had passed, I lived 15-20 minutes from the bar. Turned out he had called me about 5 minutes after he had left the restaurant. And I didn’t answer because I was driving. This was before phones were connected to cars for handsfree calls. Now I sound old. 

He sent me a text saying it was great to meet me and he wanted to go out the following week.

I can remember sitting in my room on the edge of my bed trying to figure out what to do, call him back or text him back.

I texted him back. I was too nervous to let him hear my voice. I texted him that I was sorry I missed his call and it would be great to hang out. 

And the rest as they say is history. One wild, exciting, tiring history. I consider myself lucky for having met him. If I hadn’t gone that night, we may never have connected.

We went on a date the following week. I went to his apartment for dinner. I can remember telling my Mom that he invited me to his place.

“What? Do you even know him that well? Why isn’t he picking you up and taking you out?”

“He doesn’t have a car,” I said.

“He doesn’t have a car?!?” And so began the jokes about Zach not having a car.

In my Mom’s defense, I dated a guy in college that didn’t even have his license let alone a car, so I drove him around everywhere (there’s a whole book I could write about that one, but I’ll refrain). So my Mom wasn’t too keen on me dating another guy who had no car. But, at least Zach had a license.

“He’s really nice, Mom. I’m 24. If I were to think anything is wrong, I’ll just get in my car and leave,” I said to her.

“Just remember, they’re all nice until their pants start acting up.”

Classic Denise wisdom! 

Zach cooked us dinner for our first date. Watching him move around the kitchen, I knew if I ended up with him, I’d be set for life in terms of meals. As my father always says, “Kate, you’re not a domestic goddess.”

Also, for the record, Zach’s pants did not act up on our first date.

Zach and I hit the ground running with our relationship. Literally, we were running around anytime we were together. Local road races, dodgeball games, or just running through center city Philly because it was fun. I don’t ever remember having that much fun. It was wild. I actually thought to myself, is a relationship supposed to be this much fun?? I can remember him saying to me, “I’m concerned that we don’t fight enough. I’ve dated people before and we fought a lot.” I was like, “I guess we just really like each other.”

OBVIOUSLY, we argued about things, but I think we were both used to dating people who were wrong for us. We were happy, all the time. Again, I’ll be realistic, obviously he did things that pissed me off and I did things that pissed him off, but it was always solvable. We have always been able to talk about it and move on with love. 

You know how a lot of the time with couples, one person is a morning person and one person is a night owl? Or one person is social and one is more quiet? Like one knows when it’s time to leave a party so they drag the other person out? Well, I think the only problem with us was we were both night owls, we both didn’t want the party to end. We danced like we were trying out for Dancing with the Stars. It was probably obnoxious for other people at the bar, but we didn’t care. We were lost in each other.

We both loved sleeping in…which is actually a point of contention now that we have children. We’re five years in and we still bicker about who woke up early with the kids last or how many times one of us is up at night. I always win, I have lost WAY more sleep than him. but whatever. The battle will never end.

Anyway, we both lived to have fun together. We’d hang out for hours and then each go to our homes and then call each other and talk for hours. Not a clue what else we had to say, but I do remember laughing till I cried.

I have said many times, I think I loved Zach the moment I met him. And I really did have this strange spark of a feeling. About 6 months or so into the relationship, I told my friends I was in love with Zach. All of them were like, well duh. We know. I asked them what they thought about me telling him. 

“NO!” They all said it. They all said don’t do it, you’ll scare him away. I’ve never understood not being honest with someone about feelings. Clearly, I am blasting my feelings for the world to see all the time, so I have no issue with sharing feelings. And if I don’t verbalize or write down the feelings, you can see them on my face.

I went back and forth in my mind a lot about it. If I said it too soon, the worst that could happen  is he’ll get scared and bolt. And if he bolts, then it wasn’t meant to be anyway. I was 24 years old. The days of love games were behind me. Friends be damned (sorry friends)! I was going to tell him.

One evening, I was at home at the place I lived with my brother Mike. Zach called and said he was outside. 

I went to the door and he said let’s go for a walk. We walked around the backyard of my place and sat in this old treehouse that was there.

He had just come from a happy hour at work and he wanted to see me. He told me he thinks about me a lot and he had never been so happy. He said he didn’t know why, he just wanted to come and see me for a little bit. 

As he droned on about how he was feeling, I knew he was skirting around the actual words. I got kind of annoyed and cut him off. 

“You’re falling in love with me, Zach. And, I’m falling in love with you too.” 

I TOLD him he was falling in love with me. Who does that?? But it was true and somebody had to tell him because he kept skirting around the word. And, looking back, I was 100% myself. I told him what was up. I wasn’t afraid to be me with him and that’s such an important quality of our relationship. We are ourselves with each other, no matter how bizarre that can be. 

My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears. 

I did it. Well, sort of. I didn’t say I loved him. I said I was falling in love with him. So, okay, I basically said it without fully saying it. 

HIs eyes were huge and sort of frightened, but he was smiling.

“Thanks,” he said.

OMG he said thanks. What do I do with thanks?!? He changed the subject and we kept talking about life and other stuff. Only me, I thought.

He was going to walk home, but I offered to drive him. He lived nearby and he often walked, but with some nagging he let me drive him. I needed to get more of a read on his attitude after my bizarre love confession. This was like 11 years ago and I still can’t believe I told him he was falling in love with me. I read him this post and he just shook his head and laughed and said he couldn’t believe he said “thanks!”

He smiled the whole way back to his apartment. He told me how happy he was with us and how much fun he was having. He kissed me good night and off he went.

My friends blasted me and told me I probably scared him away. But, he kept coming back, and after a few more months of not saying the actual word but definitely feeling the feeling and showing it, we said it to each other. 

First comes love, then comes marriage.

After 3 years of the most fun ever, Zach took me on a walk to the art museum. We ran up the stairs together. We made it to the top and I turned around to him on his knee. It was time to make the fun even more extreme by legally making it forever. 

Fun forever. Game on. 

Our wedding was the most fantastic, whimsical, wonderful day of our lives. A friend of our family still says to this day, she’s never seen anyone have more fun at their own wedding than us. You can get a recap of that here The Artist Formerly Known As Kate Sprandio.

We’ve known each other twelve years now, 8 of which we have been married. Our relationship has survived many very late nights, an Eagles/Patriots super bowl, the heart ache of miscarriages, the heart ache of watching your baby be hospitalized, a global pandemic (with tiny children). Oh, that pandemic isolation. Boy, did we learn a lot about communication then! And to think we thought we didn’t have enough arguments/tension in our life when we were dating. We sure made up for it during the pandemic!

We’ve survived the general stress of buying and maintaining a home (with tiny children), the extreme highs and some lows (no sleep) of raising tiny children. We have learned a lot and are willing and open to continue to learn more (how to get more sleep). At the end of the day, we’re best friends. And to think, years ago I had said I never wanted to get married or have children. I would have missed out on a hell of a good time. I’d probably be more well rested if I didn’t take this path, but oh well. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

When I reflect back, I’m not really sure where the time has gone. Some days feel endless, but the years feel like a flash. Yada, yada, all the clichés you can think of. I love recounting the early years with him. It’s important for growth to reflect back on when it started and how far it has all come. We both seem to remember the same things about the night we met. He says he knew I was the one too. I do ask him if he’s just saying that to shut me up, but he insists it’s true. So, I’ll believe him.

As we dance around the kitchen now with our three small children, I see a glimpse of who we were when we met. Despite feeling tired and pushed to the limit at the end of the day, we still have the ability bring out the fun in each other. We conjure the OG Kate and Zach. A couple weeks ago on New Year’s Eve, we didn’t go out, so we dressed up, had champagne, and took funny pictures with the toys in the house. Weird, yes, but we made our own fun. We’ve always been able to do that.

Don’t get me wrong, every day isn’t a discotech, even though I wish it was. Some of the time by 7pm it’s like last call at a dive bar…everyone has stains on their shirt. Some people are angry and yelling. Drinks are being thrown. Some people have urinated in their pants (not saying it’s me but also not saying it’s not me). Somebody might be vomiting.

It’s important to me that our babies to see us for who we are as a couple. It’s important for them to see us hug and sneak a kiss when we can. It’s important for them to see us play. It’s important for them to see us dance because it’s something we love to do together (even now when our legs don’t stretch like they used to). It’s important for them to not only feel the love, but to see the love we share. Maybe one day, because of our example, they will want that in their lives as well. And we’ll always be here, dancing and laughing, ready to welcome home their people.

It’s important for us to remember as well that we have changed and grown so much together and it’s been hard work. We met when we were 24 (technically, Zach was still 23 the day we met. He turned 24 two weeks after. He loves to remind me of that). We grew up together through our 20s. We are still growing up. And I love who we are now. I think we’ve managed to create a balance of who we were and who we have become. There are many days we get lost in the chaos of real life, but when we get chances to slow down and look at each other, we smile. We’ve built all of this together.

It’s annoying when people make reference to marriage being the end of life as you know it. People say that when you have children too. “Say good bye to your former self.” While you are changing your life drastically, you are also leveling up. You’re adding another layer to the onion that is your personality. Adding layers makes life more interesting and full, and like an onion can bring on lots of tears…both from laughter and sadness. It’s all about how you balance it.

Whether you’re in a relationship or still searching, keep your heart open to love and remember, most of all, to have fun.